Way of Going

In the horse world, horses have one value judgment placed upon them that is quite important. It is how they move, a certain confidence or lack of it, an attitude, a strut. That is part of the horse's way of going. Each of us has a way of going too. Whether we are dragged into the future, unware of the future, or living permanently in denial, it becomes our way of going.

Your way of going, my way of going, affects what we take in for information and our decision to do anything with information. I read a great line on a blog today regarding the information available to us. "If you don't read the paper, your uninformed, if you do read the paper, you're mis-informed." We don't want to appear naive and foolish to our friends and co workers, so it is only natural to accept the common belief system. The common belief system was a product of education and advertisement that benefited the very few and only worked while there was an ocean of energy to support it. Now we are deep past the point of equilibrium. The common belief system, the fear of looking foolish is exactly what will keep you frozen in place as every resource is removed from your grasp. Common beliefs were always wrong, never did benefit you very much, but now, now if you don't put down the self programming tools, common belief will decrease your chance to survive.

Even mainstream media, eyes wide open in perpetual surprise, are reporting the economic collapse of the dollar, the energy problem (peak oil), and climate change which trumps all the rest. So friends are now paying attention a little, slipping out of denial here and there for a moment. But their way of going is usually cynical distrust in change, denial of change, and a continuation to always do things like they have done before because it "works out in the end." Of course the arcs of change in our history have been several generations long, so that is generally a good way of going.

BUT, this time we are at the end of many arcs. We are at the end of capitalisms market driven use of the free energy of the earth (oil/natural gas). Market capitalism requires always more cheap energy, cheap labor, and infinite resources. Even those most in denial must admit, that two out of three of those are no longer possible. So at the end of an arc of seeming stability, there is great change. At first it only affects others. Others loose their homes, others get so deep in credit card debt that they can no longer maintain their current way of going. They collapse, but so far it is a small percentage of others. Not you, not I. So as good sheeple we will wait for the good times to come back, the markets to correct, the government to help, and we watch elections, TV and we stay distracted and misinformed.

We are in a tremendously fast time of change. Like an arrow through the heart, the beast still runs on not understanding that it is already dead. That is modern life, dead on it's running feet. The result is that those in complete denial will not adapt and they will rise, fall, survive, die, prosper or not, not by planning and work, but by pure accident. I think there is a way of going that will mitigate the collapse for you. My way of going is my reaction to my understanding of what is happening today.

A. I will seek every advantage in future income, keeping all doors open. Let energy, goods, information, and materials flow in. I open my filters wide, listen to the foil heads, the hippies, the scientists, the thinkers, and stop listening to MEDIA.

B. Cut off every outflow of energy, money, effort, materials, work that does not directly lead to increasing your survivability, joy, and fun.

It is pretty simple. Ed Foster once compared it to a bucket. You have things pouring in the top - money, materials, learning, fun, doing, creation of things, and in the bottom of the bucket there are holes and all those good things pour out. A: above is about increasing the fill of YOUR bucket and B: is decreasing the size of the holes in YOUR bucket.

Some practical examples in my life. I live in a small Airstream trailer that not only is better for the use of resources for the earth, but costs me very little to live. Between Quartzsite and Elmira I spend less than 180/month for my right to stand on a piece of the USA. I buy wheat, rice and years of dry and freeze dried foods, and store them in the trailer. That decreases my food outgo as well as gives me a "spring" against times of food interruption (coming).

I don't watch TV at all, though friends send me bit torrent downloads and sometimes I buy a DVD. I use the internet to teach myself anything that I need to know, even down to having a flat on my truck that wouldn't come off, and I found a site on how to get a stuck wheel off after the nuts were off. I make use of the salvage around me to build tools. Whenever I buy I seek to buy cheaper or not at all. I hike, I calm down, I look at rocks and understand the wonder of being out in the desert. Coyotes move like smoke in front of me in the morning, a real experience that stays with me throughout the day. I'm closer every day to being part of it, instead of a spectator.

Slowly I have learned that most of what I bought in the past was lost, or junk or was of no interest to me in a very short time. I have also learned the hard fact that often personal relationships that worked under the old system, but that used enormous personal energy were the worst holes in the bucket. A bad personal relationship can knock the bottom right out of your bucket. I had this years ago. It was the hardest time and change in my life.

The good consumer American way of going, common to most US citizens does not work for the coming collapse. Don't you feel we just have to buy something to fix this mess? Just have to buy something - the programming we are bombarded with makes us WANT to BUY SOMETHING - so when you have to buy something, buy quality tools and immediately make something important to you. Art supplies, welding equipment, anything that helps you reduce the size of another hole in your bucket. For instance, buy a grain grinder and start buying wheat in 50lb bags. You get to buy two things but you reduce the size of one of your bucket's holes.

The message of media is so subtle that it transforms itself to make us think that if we by a hybrid vehicle and replace all the light bulbs in our house with fluorescents that we a buying a better future. Bullshit. Don't worry about your bulbs, and your hybrid will help neither you nor the planet. Focus on NOT buying anything. If the light bulb works, use it until the electric grid shuts down and browns out. Instead of buying a light bulb, if you must buy, buy solar panels, inverters and batteries and get yourself off the grid completely.

The simplest thing is to start a garden. Seeds are small and not expensive. Get open pollinated so that you can save the seed for the following years. Get a garden going soon and get your compost piles going NOW. There is NO downside to growing your own food. I guarantee that anything you grow will taste better than store bought, and it all has the hidden value of making you healthy, filling your time with satisfying effort (it really feels good to my soul, my heart, and calms me to be in the garden). While you're gardening you are NOT frozen in front of the tube with a beer in your hand. The programming of Empire only works if you put yourself in front of it.

OK the biggest way to change is to reduce your outflow, and most people have the biggest holes in their buckets when it comes to debt. Debt is necessary for Empire and if you stop being in debt, stop buying, then you will kill our economy. If enough people do that is exactly what will happen. However if you personally don't get rid of debt then Empire will continue to control the most basic needs, i.e., where you live, what you can eat, drink, and smoke, and how long each day you will be in bondage to the system. Debt will allow them to own your property, evict you, and put you to work to pay back what you owe, and you will remain, or die, in harness. Very dramatic right, well here's a simpler less dramatic exhortation, follows:

Stop paying any attention to Empire. Do NOT participate except when it benefits you. It is a staggering dying beast and you need to be preparing you and your children for what we are transitioning into - collapsing, an ever fragmenting loose association of feudal and fascists states. Salvage will be the job, and food production the over riding concern (thanks Gary!).

Don't buy anything new. Haunt the Goodwill and St. Vinnies. Easier to buy now than sew later. Do without and go for a walk instead. Grow food, learn to walk, walk, walk. Get your fat ass in shape, get your fat kids in shape. How? Walk, walk, walk. You'll feel better, you'll cut off some of the bullshit that rains down on you every moment. From ads to Oprah, all of Empire programs you for conformity. Forget about conformity. Don't even wear the same color socks. It is immaterial. What comes requires you to be light on your feet, flexible, adaptable.

One last thought on debt. If you're so deeply in debt that every debt stick leans against another, and all assets are up for grabs if you file bankruptcy, then drive your debt higher, right to the max. With that money buy gold, silver, guns, ammunition, good liquor, even a retirement plan that would survive bankruptcy (if you are close to retirement), then walk away from all of it. In a year none of this will matter, but it will matter whether you have gold and silver to buy things, and if you have guns, good booze to trade. Conibear traps will be worth more than your current "assets" of fiber board and plastic. Make sure your transportation is worth less than a few thousand dollars but spend some of that debt to make it reliable - but low book value.
Do not put your assets where others control them. Between a treasury note or gold in cache buried in the back yard, choose the cache. Cache weapons and ammunition and gold and silver. Knowing that it is happening in a place -that people are preparing, always gives fascists and future "big men" feudal systems pause.

Don't argue with the other sheeple. They are completely, terminally, invested their debt, their previous decisions and will assume that the "good life is coming back." It just needs a little tweaking. It isn't going to and you know it, you can feel it but can't stand it. You must have the courage be excited about change, to hum through this taking care of you and yours. Don't pay attention to the big picture except to benefit your gold, silver, guns, booze, tools and transportation. Put your nose down and trust your gut.

So if you're deep in debt, break the programming hold. Embrace your debt, expand it, manipulate the system as it has used you. Stop listening to the societal programming that you are bad if you are poor, you are bad if you're in debt (I think you're stupid, but not bad), good if you give everything away and volunteer. Instead, move your debt around so that you end up with cash in hand to buy any asset that you can easily trade (that which will be desired) in an economic collapse. It should be something you can store without it loosing value. Don't store bags of salad for example, but red wine and hard liquor, yes. Cigarettes, less good but still valuable trade items in the short run. Any addictive substance will have maximum value. Booze, drugs, prescription drugs, if they have reasonable storage life. In then end for most collapses in the previous ages always seems to come back to gold, silver, weapons, booze, and good hand tools. You can't go wrong with those.


It will be a wild ride for the rest of my life. It will be a wild ride for you too. In there, in change, is a chance for each of us to build a personally more sane and satisfying life. Reconnect with your close people. It's time.

Late note: Here's a link that Rick directed me to. It is a great example of what does count. Behind the ads and the headlines the internet does allow real information to get through. This one is about food, and it's a critical read. The link will only work for a few days, I'm sure.

FBR will continue shortly

I'm suffering a horrible cold. I am whiney and pissed about it, and the sound of my sobbing in the desert will probably draw coyotes soon. Good. I've left the door open for them.

In the unlikely happenstance that I do live through this, I apologize for missing my Monday morning deadline on the next FBR scene. It will be up when I am.

University Trained Liars

If you haven't been reading what Jay Hanson writes, you should. If you think instead of accept, you should. Here is a pivotal piece to read and understand. It's only a page or so. Break out of the bubble, start here: University Trained Liars.

Those of you who know me, know that I look forward to Monday morning to read Kunstler's blog. He hits the nail on the head almost every time. This morning was particularly accurate. Here is two paragraphs from this morning's blog. You can read the whole thing by clicking on Clusterfuck Nation - to the right.

"We're not heading into a recession but a major depression, worse than the fabled trauma of the 1930s. That one occurred against the background of a society that had plenty of everything except money. Back then, we had plenty of mineral resources, lots of trained-and-regimented manpower, millions of productive family farms, factories that were practically new, and more than 90 percent left of the greatest petroleum reserve anywhere in the world. It took a world war to get all that stuff humming cooperatively again, and once it did, we devoted its productive capacity to building an empire of happy motoring leisure. (Tragic choice there.)

This new depression, which I call The Long Emergency, will play out against the background of a society that has pissed away its oil endowment, bulldozed its factories, arbitraged its productive labor, destroyed both family farms and the commercial infrastructure of main street, and trained its population to become overfed diabetic TV zombie "consumers" of other peoples' productivity, paid for by "money" they haven't earned."

FBR chapter 5 scene 2

Foreign Body Reaction
Alan McNeill
Chapter 5 Scene 2.

Ben sat close to the campfire on an upended five gallon bucket that Darlene had brought. The tents were up and Ben was aware of the quick glances that Mark and Darlene where sharing, then looking at him.

Their campsite was close to the intersection on the hill above the truck. Darlene had pulled her Subaru around the truck close to where they were. Mark had been curious as to why they didn't return to his previous camp or to the lookout tower, but he said nothing. Perhaps he is hoping Jacob would change his mind, thought Mark. He said nothing, waiting for Ben to work out the next steps for their little band. Darlene was busy collecting more wood for the fire, and digging out some foil packs of Mountain House freeze dried food.

The twilight showed clouds starting to form from the northwest, it would be back to drizzle tomorrow. Ben scuffed ground with his foot.

Mark squatted next to Ben while Darlene was busy at the hatchback of the Subaru.

“Worried about Jacob?”

Ben glanced at him and then back at the small fire. “Worried about us.”

“Hell, we're fine Ben. Everything we need is in these mountains.”

“What do you think will happen now Mark?” asked Ben innocently.

“I guess up here we're going to meet a few hunters. People can't do much else down there, business closed, schools, so I guess people will hunker down and make do until this flu thing gets under control. But hell Ben, why are you asking me. You've been doing nothing but think about this since you started getting better.”

“I ask because each of us as a sense of 'normal' and return to normal in our heads. I have to know what you think will be normal, what you feel we're up against.”

Mark was quiet for moment, idly tracing designs in the dirt near the fire. He shifted.

“I think lots of things might happen but you can't plan for something real big like this. You have to ride it out, take care of yourself and your friends, what's that thing you say, that Russian thing, oh yea, take care of your close people. Is that what has you sitting here, kicking the dirt; that you couldn't help Jacob and Emily?”

“Hell Mark, I can't help anyone including myself right now. I have listened and I've read for years about how societies break down, but you know what? It's like an big pile of sticks and then you drop a boulder down in the middle of the pile and watch the sticks fly. Every possible outcome is logical when you look back at the boulder and the sticks, but that's looking backwards. I can't know what will happen to the sticks as the rock drops. There are too many variations, too many things all dependent on one another. Hell maybe there is some variation where Jacob, or really Emily is right and I'm just an idiot.

“I don't know what the fuck is going to happen, but I don't think that town is a good place to be. Too many feds.” he said.

Darlene had brought over a pot and had stood behind Ben listening.

“Honey,” she said, her voice a bit rough from the cigarettes, “You don't got to figure out where all those broken little twigs will land, you only got to see where the next one will land.” With that, Darlene drug over a bucket, sat splay legged on it and smoothed her dress between her legs.

Ben laughed a bit. “That's exactly right, we have to guess one stick ahead and we'll be fine.”

“So what's first twig?” asked Mark.”

“I guess the flu will spread from place that has an a airport, every town and city with a major road. If it is like other influenzas it will take about 2 months to reach most of the world. The 1918 flu took two years to reach everywhere. With planes and cops and feds moving around, helicopters and important people being ferried to hospitals, it will be much faster.”

“Shit we had the Hong Kong flu years ago and I don't remember anyone dying. Maybe this one will be like that," she said.

"This one's not like that. It's a modified Bird flu, that has been mixed up with another flu and this one likes people. It is worse than the 1918 flu, I mean how deadly it is."

"Well how many people died in that one?"

"The reporting fell apart, the world didn't have the communications we have, but most people figure fifty million people died," Ben said.

"You think this one is worse?"

"Much worse. In that one twenty percent of the people who caught it died or less. This one, this bird flu, it's more like three fourths of the people die, at least so far."

"Yea but what next for us, I mean I know you can't know, but what do you think?” asked Darlene.

“Fuck I don't know. Everything is going to be slammed right now; Is being slammed, right now. Commerce is going to die, trucks won't be able to keep up with the demand for food, Walmarts will get some supplies but people will get sick if they go to get it. Town mayors and managers will close the schools. Fuck! Everything is dependent on moving everything by road and rail and air, constantly. None of that is going to be easy. People are going to get hungry and sick. People are going to be mad that no one can help them, and they are going to look for someone to blame.

“People are going to think that the government should do something, they'll demand it, and the governments only response will be to use force to segregate the sick from the healthy. Oh, yea, and to extract important people from everywhere. Which will guarantee a uniform spread of the flu.”

“Jesus honey. Are you sure, I'm mean that's what could happen, but it ain't happenin' yet.”

“Darlene it is exactly what has to happen, and it is happening right now. What do you think that soldier was doing stopping you. It is like a river coming out of the mountains going to the sea, to the lowest point. We have a flu that is deadly, at least sixty percent of the people will die who get it, and almost everyone will be exposed this year. You tell me, start with this simple thing, how many will die, in numbers?”

Darlene recoiled from Ben's harsh attack. “Christ, that's just one thing that could happen Ben, the government has had four years to prepare for this, they must have something planned besides letting people just die?”

“No, they don't. For over six years they have been trying to figure out how you make a vaccine for a flu that doesn't even exist yet. They have somethings that might lower how many people get infected, but that is not enough of it, and it may not be effective against this at all.”

“He's a gloomy shit, isn't he Mark. How far down that rabbit hole do you live?”

Mark looked up at Darlene and just stared. He looked at Ben, then back to Darlene. She had stood and her face was red. Mark spoke quietly. “Darlene sit the fuck down and shut up. You're acting like those fucking sheep in town.”

Darlene's mouth worked, open and then closed. She sat.

Mark continued. “Ben ain't often wrong in what he has talked to me about, and he don't say it lightly. Seems to me we've got a big decision here in front of this fire. You can trust the government to do their job, solve this problem and believe that all will be normal in a couple of weeks, and go back to town. But the question I got for you Darlene, how often you think you have every had the government help you? What about your work with the eco folks? You of all people, what about your son?”

The color drained from Darlene's face and she looked at Mark stunned. “Don't you mention my son, don't you say one fucking word about my son.”

“Darlene,” interrupted Ben. Darlene!” She broke her lock with Mark's face and Ben could see tears glistening on her cheeks. The light was gone now, and the tracks of the tears glistened in the reflected light from the fire. The small pot that Darlene had put on the three stone fire boiled merrily, unconcerned over the exchange between the three people.

“I tell you what I told Jacob. There are eight billion people in the world right now in 2011. The depression has been grinding on since late 2007. People are out of work, and energy costs are rising. The democracy we live in, the capitalist state we live in is crumbling. You know it, you see it every day around you.

“Now the bird flu is going to have a vaccine. It will be nearly 100 percent effective. The distribution of that vaccine will absolutely be controlled by the various world governments, and corporations. They will prioritize. The vaccine can possibly be developed and rushed into production in six months. SIX MONTHS Darlene.

“Do you know how many people will have died in six months?” Darlene had turned away. Slowly she breathed and turned back towards Ben.

“How many?”

“Half of everyone you gets it or more will die. Despite the best and worst efforts of the governments involved, in six months more than half of the people in the world will have been exposed.

“Darlene that is four billion people. More importantly to us, right now, to you Darlene, half of everyone in Eugene, Medford, Grants Pass, Salem, Portland, Bend, Gold Beach, Coos Bay will be dead.”

“But don't you think with antibiotics . . .” she trailed off.

“Its a virus. Antibiotics don't work on viruses.”

“What are people going to do, what are we going to do?”

Mark shifted and looked up at Darlene. “They are going to get sick and die or get better. But Ben that's not the real problem is it?”

Ben shook his head no. “No, Mark, it is what the people will do to each other, to us and to themselves during the next six months that is our problem. That Darlene is the first branch that will break. People will panic when the bodies start to stack up. This isn't 1918. We aren't those people of a hundred years ago. They had strong religious faith, a strong patriotic sense, they trusted their local government at least, and loved their country for the most part. Do you think that is who we are now?”

Darlene shook her head. “No, we're not any sort of melting pot anymore, and you're right Mark, the government is not about helping any of us, but rather all about controlling us. Oh my god, what do we do? Fuck, there's nothing to do is there?

“Your telling us that two of us around this fire or one, will be dead in six months? she asked.

Ben was quiet for a moment. I can't tell you Darlene. This is the first step, and what we do right now has a lot of impact on our own survival.”

“What do you mean?” asked Mark. “Don't we just try to survive.”

“Yes absolutely, we try to survive. But you must see the cost of that, right?”

“What cost,” asked Darlene.

“Our survival is dependent on not being exposed, and you can bet there are others thinking the same thing, right now. Towns will wall off, cities and roads will be barred as people make their local governments take action. Just like a city under siege in medieval times, we are limited by food, water, time, and our own psychology.”

“Please, what do we do tomorrow, what about our friends and loved ones? What do we do right now?” asked Darlene.

“That about three minutes?” asked Mark, reaching in to pick out one of the Mountain house entrees.

Ben and Darlene stopped, looked at Mark, and for a moment the tension was broken.

After they were done eating, Ben said. “We have to stay in the wilderness for the next six months. We can't risk contact with others, we basically will turn ninety degrees from the world and disappear.”

“Can we tell our friends?” asked Darlene.

“I've suggest you do so, tonight. I don't think they're going to listen. But yes, use your phone right here tonight an call them all. I'll give you a gps coordinate that they can meet us at tomorrow. But here's the thing Darlene, when you talk to them, ask first if there is flu in their town. If so, you can't let them come, they may already be infected.”

“Jesus Christ.” said Darlene in a low moan. “You got this all planned out don't you?”

“Only this first step. You think I'm down the rabbit hole, you have no idea, no idea how deep this hole will get. Right now, we are like a Roadrunner cartoon, and we're Wiley Coyote, and we just ran off the cliff. We're looking down but we haven't started to fall yet, but fall we will.”

Mark got up and disappeared into the night. Darlene watched him go. “You're enjoying this a little, right?

Ben shook his head sadly. If you pointed out he obvious, did the math, simple one two three stuff and came to a horrible conclusion, people call you a chicken little, or insane. If the shit inevitably comes to pass, then well, he must be a crazy fuck who enjoyed being right at the expense of society. Ben knew he was neither.”

“I'll call right now, but why not have them come here?”

“Make all the calls you're going to make, and then we're going to through your phone away. Why not here? Because maybe they're already infected. We'll have to be careful.

“Jesus.”

“Have them bring camping gear, guns, medical, oh, just talk to Mark, he'll know what we need for six months.”

Darlene looked at him, stood and wandered off to look for Mark, stopping at her car to pick up her phone first. Ben called her back and gave her a slip of paper with the GPS coordinates for them to meet the following day.

Ben began cleaning up. He knew he had lied about the first twig that was breaking. He was torn. They needed to move right away into the off road areas. Darlene had mentioned that with the cops tied up, and everything in an uproar, some people, not the nice people, saw an opportunities. The social fabric was going to fray now and Ben didn't want to be anywhere near that.

#

FBR chapter 5 scene 1

Foreign Body Reaction
Alan McNeill
Chapter 5 Scene 1.

“Ben, you're alive, that is so, so, great!” said Jacob, slamming the SUV's door. Emily watched from the passenger seat as Jacob limped to Ben and hugged him awkwardly.

“God it is good to see you man. When Homeland security called me out to your trailer site I was sure you couldn't have survived.”

Ben pulled a little back and looked at Jacob's swollen and discolored face. “You look awful.”

Jacob touched his swollen nose tenderly. “Feels horrible too.”

“What the fuck went on up there Jacob?”

Jacob flushed, “Goddammit Ben, I told you to just do the line you were assigned, that's all right, but did you listen? Christ no. You have to traipse off after cats and what all. . .”

“Jacob, what I mean is what when on there? I saw you talking to Patricia.”

“What, you where there? Where?”

“Jacob, what did I do for them to blow my trailer up and try to kill me? What the fuck do you know, not stop stalling and tell me.”

“I don't know nothing, nothing. That bitch from the Feds is the liaison for the pipeline company. She is supposed to oversea security of the line. Christ Ben, she's been helping us throughout this entire job. Who do you think got us that unbelievable deal on the FEMA trailers?

Emily had come around the car and was standing a few yards behind Jacob, listening.

“Jacob, shut up,” said Emily. “It's none of Ben's business, it's your business. He's the one they want, we don't know what he did.”

Jacob spun around, “I'm just trying to explain to Ben. . .”

“You don't have anything to explain. He's the criminal, not you. Get the money and lets get away from him.”

Ben looked at Jacob. “What money?

“Nothing, forget it. Look I'm sorry they overreacted, but you have to understand they are crazy about security, and now with the flu, everything is fucked up. The pipeline inspections . . .

“Jacob, shut up now,” hissed Emily. She reached out and grabbed his arm and started pulling him back towards the SUV.

“Wait Emily,” said Ben. “If you go back you are in danger.”

Emily stopped and looked at Ben. What, we didn't do anything. It's all your fault. I told Jacob not to hire you, you think your better than everyone and I just knew you'd cause trouble.”

Ben walked to the couple, all three in the sunlight by the car in the middle of the intersection. “Its the bird flu. It is worse than any flu. It is worse than the 1918 flu that killed 50 million people, and it is more contagious.”

“You're such a chicken little squawking about this and that, always upsetting Jacob. The government will have a vaccine and we'll be fine. If we get it we'll get antibiotics. Patricia will see to that,” she said smugly.

“I don't care what you think of me, but you need to understand. The vaccine will take 6 months to make, and another few months to distribute. If you stay in Grants Pass you'll be stuck there. The Feds will close all the roads that feed into infected areas. I've been listening to the news, it is in northern California already. It is in Salem, Eugene and Cottage Grove. There will be cases here soon.”

Ben stopped looking at Emily and addressed Jacob.

“Jacob, go home pack all your survival gear and food, weapons into your SUV. I've made a map for you. Take your Prevost out and set up a camp there, I'll be in touch. But you have to get out now, right now.”

“Jesus Ben, always with the big emergency. I don't think it is going to be that bad. I've been listening to the news and it seems that the federal response is right on target on time. We're safe there. What the hell are we supposed to do perched on some hillside in the mountains? How are we supposed to get power and shop?”

Emily began pulling on Jacobs arm again, and Jacob shook his head with regret at Ben. “I'm sorry Ben, you're overreacting. You know you do that. Call me tomorrow. I'll try and find out how we can get Patrica off your case. Hell I haven't heard from her since I-5 was closed.”

Emily was in the other side, Jacob's door still open, he leaned out and said, Ben, I'll do what I can for you, but you're acting nuts. Call me tomorrow.”

Ben stepped reached out and held the door open. He leaned in so he could see both Jacob and Emily.

“Jacob, Emily, whatever you think of me, you have to understand the news is not accurate. Jacob, listen to the CB, the truckers and the hi power guys in the city. The feds are closing the infected cities completely. This flu has a greater than 80 percent death rate and there is no vaccine and there won't be for at least 6 months no matter who you know.”

Emily snorted and looked away out the passenger window. Refusing to listen to Ben any longer.

Jacob began pulling the door closed against Ben's hand.

“Jacob, wait.”

Jacob hesitated a moment.

“If Grant's Pass gets a flu outbreak, I can't let you near us, you'll have to stay and take your chances. Your my friend Jacob, tell me what I need to say to make you wake the fuck up? Do you understand, you will likely die there within a few months? Come with me, will stay out for six months, monitor the situation and then come in when the vaccine is ready. These mountains have everything we need. We can . . ..”

Jacob pulled the door free of Ben's hand, interrupting him.

“It is just because we've been friends for so many years that I'm going to town Ben. You'll get past this. It's a stress reaction to the explosion. You'll feel better, and I'm going to get help to keep the business alive and get you another trailer. Let me help you by doing what I know Ben. We are not going to die of bird flu and neither are you. You're overreacting.”

Ben stood in the dust and watched the SUV turn cautiously in a three point turn and drive back towards the main road. He could see Emily's finger jabbing into Jacob's shoulder through the rear window.

Mark came down from the truck and stood alongside Ben.

“You can't save everyone.”

“He's my friend.”

“Yea, well if you're right about how many people are going to get this, then we are going to loose more than a few close friends in this.”

“Not if we turn ninety degrees to all of this and disappear. Fuck, I just let down my friend,” said Ben shaking his head.”

The afternoon light was beginning to fade, and clouds were moving in from the north. Oregon's normal weather winter weather pattern was reasserting itself, and streamers of moist air off the Pacific began to march down the valleys of Oregon. It would be raining in the night again.

Mark and Ben spent the next hour rearranging supplies in the back of the truck. Ben had a phenomenal memory and just by sorting the boxes and reading what Mark had picked up in town, he began to list in his head what else they would need in the near future.

The rattling sound of a car crunching down the gravel grade to the intersection interrupted Ben. Mark looked up.

“Darlene.”

The old Subaru hatchback was squatting low on nearly bald tires. She came to a stop and leapt out of the car. “Hey boys! Look what I brought.”

She had packed everything that the Medford Walmart could provide for camping, hunting and fishing.

“Think I might have broke my credit card. Harder than hell getting back up around. The Feds have starting putting up road blocks around Grass Pants,” she said using the local slang for the town name.

“Shit I had to sneak down 238 down to Murphy's Creek road and even coming over the mountain I got stopped a Lakeshore at the 199 intersection.”

“How did you get through, asked Mark, his arm still around Darlene's shoulder.

“Well he was the cutest youngest boy, looked like my son Hank did at that age, and I just used my persuasive nature.” At that she pointed to the valley of her considerable cleavage and laughed.

“He said he guessed it be alright as long as I was going home. He could see the supplies, and I told him his momma be very proud of him. He blushed so pretty, with me catching him looking down my tits, and he waved me right through.”

“Mark says you're coming with us,” said Ben.

“Well more now than every boys. What do you think, I just shop for fun,” laughing leaving no doubt that is exactly what she did.

“Did the soldier say why they were closing 199?” Ben new that closing 199 was a blow for them. It was the easy way through mountains to all the connectors that led up the Illinois River or the Rogue River drainages into the Siskiyou mountains. With that closed they would have to use logging roads all the way. And looking at Darlene's car it was pretty obvious they would be doing a lot of cross country driving with that.

“Yea, there was a trucker who showed up at a clinic in town. He came yesterday it appears. He's real sick, its the flu.”

“Fucking sonofabitch!” shouted Ben, turning to hide the tears that sprung to his eyes.

Darlene looked at Mark.

“He's worried about friends that are staying in town.”

Darlene watched Ben, and wondered which friends Mark was referring too.

“Well friends or no they are going to have some trouble getting out.”

Two hours later they were seated around a fire. Darlene had brought several pop up tents, Mountain House freeze dried food, sleeping bags. Ben started pulling out a small backing tent from Mark's truck, but Darlene was already setting up a ten by ten larger tent with a larger overhanging rain fly and full floor. Ben looked at the sky and the rain fly. Darlene caught the look.

“Honey, don't waste your time right now with that little bitty tent. We'll all just bunk together tonight. Don't worry honey, I don't bite.”

We don't own, we are of.

We do not inherit the land from our ancestors, we borrow it from our children." Native American Proverb

I stumbled upon that tag line on a post this morning. It is so uplifting, should be on a greeting card, recited at tree hugger meetings and it is bullshit. It has such a wrong headed idea at the heart, but it is how we got here, at the edge of resources on a wounded planet. Don't get me wrong, I put the tree huggers way before the capitalists as people I want to break bread with, but this line has the core of our hubris, the essence of our arrogance. It implies that the land is something to us, a possession, whether inherited or borrowed. It implies ownership or at least stewardship.

We are not stewards to this planet. We are part of it, born to it, and if anything the planet is a steward to us. We are misbehaving wild children who are doing serious damage. We are less owners, more vandals, to our own home.

Every person born into this world is a part of it. The world provides our canvas and we paint our lives in it, in three dimensions we create, our work is part of it, it in three dimensions is us. We are not separate from it. We do not own it. We are of it. How angry, hurt and disappointed we must feel, how alienated we must be to vandalize our home, ourselves.

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